Muffin top. Spare tire. Sausage roll. Sometimes, when I’m sitting at my desk working, I can actually feel myself getting fatter. I can see my gut growing in slow motion. Laughing at me. Mocking me. Taunting me like a rabid monkey. I hate you desk job. I hate you and your fat-inducing ways. I hate everything you stand for.
Turns out it isn’t really age or slowing metabolisms that makes us fatter. It’s that stupid no-good desk job. As if you needed further evidence that your desk jobs are really the brainchild of Satan himself. I say we revolt. If we all overturn our stupid pointless desk jobs we can create a new world order of happy sunshine and trim midsections. Come, be united with our cause. Join us.
Ugh… I need to get to the gym.
Oh, man. This is my life now.
Yup… I’m officially in the worst shape of my life.