Guys, we’ve been lied to. Turns out, not everything we see in the movies actually works in real life. I know, crazy right? But it’s the cold hard truth. We’ve endured countless chick flicks to make our dates happy, and all of them tell pretty much the same story. 2 guys. 1 girl. Guys fight over her. And to the victor go the woman’s heart. So naturally when we see our dates swooning over the brooding jealous type, we are left to assume that we can apply these same principles into our own lives.
Bad news gents. Turns out it’s soooo much more complicated than any given movie starring Sandra Bullock or Reese Witherspoon. You can’t just do something crazy and dramatic in the 3rd act to make the girl love you and forget about the other guy who EVERYONE can clearly see is a total jerk anyway. You can’t win the girl based on your sweet endearing humor despite the fact that your yearly income is suspect at best. I know, this hardly seems fair after a lifetime of Hollywood movies, but it’s the lot that we are left to deal with.
So what DOES a girl want? After much research, I am left to conclude that she has absolutely NO IDEA what she wants. Not. A. Clue. It would appear that this is the part of life the movies actually got right. In preparation for writing this, I googled around a bit and found some real-life internet profiles of women and what they claim to be seeking from men. It reminded me of why I am no fan of online dating. Here are some excerpts (you know they’re authentic sadly, because I didn’t correct the spelling, punctuation, and grammar):
- “Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped! I want to be treated like the princess I am”
- “someone who can make me smile with a glance knows french loves movies and music wouldn’t mind dancing in the rain even if they were wearing a nice outfit happens to be in the milatary humble, kind, gracious, bruised”
- “I would like to meet an amazing man who loves to dance, cook, cuddle, kiss, who is intelligent, confident, knows exactly what he wants… and gets it…with dark hair and light eyes… Guys with long hair.”
- “You have to be able to keep up. If you like television marathons, interacting with video games, or devouring several bags of Lays while doing these things, you need not apply.”
- “a guy who loves me no matter how i look or how out of shape i will get. i want someone who likes to read and has realistics dreams. ofcourse a romantic guy. someone who brings me a single rose or small flower just because
- “A guy who accepts my weirdness, loves the crazy moments, and has infinite patience. I’m just a sucker for the fawning attention. A guy has to be a little passionate, yes. No one wants a wimp.”
- “to tell u the truth at first I want a guy who is dangerous, I want a bad boy, but when it starts to get serious, I want him to be serious, and cudly,,”
- “I’d tell you one thing, but I’d secretly be hoping for something else. But the first thing that came to mind [is] chocolate and someone to do my homework.”
Did you guys get all that? Wow! It’s all so easy! And I’m TOTALLY not being sarcastic to prove the absurdity of our expectations of the opposite sex! All we have to do is do all of those things until we finally succeed in becoming the likeness of every woman’s dreams! Like this guy:
Yes! We can do it guys! This is totally within our reach!! Oh wait…here’s one more personal I found:
- “The best thing a guy can do is try to be himself. Be yourself.”
Crap. Looks like we’re screwed, gents.
LOL! Good job Matt
Treat them like a princess, ignore them for a while, repeat. Works every time.