Raccoon Toons

I was actually a waiter once. I worked at a popular grilling establishment which I frequented as a youth. It was one of those jobs that I’m grateful I did, but which I will never do again. As so many servers can attest, you have a lot of interesting experiences when you work in a restaurant. I had people forget what they ordered, people skip out without paying, people yell at me. I also had people love me. The elderly thought I was the BEST oddly enough, although they were usually the poorest tippers. Every now and then a girl would leave me her phone number on a napkin. It was one of my first real jobs, and it was a tremendous learning experience.

Funny thing about that restaurant though…it was EVIL. Yes, that’s right. The restaurant was for lack of a better phrase, PURE EVIL. You’d be moving along all fine and dandy, and then BOOM! The idiot hostess would sit 3 or 4 families in your station all at once. You see, being a server is all about timing. If your tables are staggered you can work all evening without a whole lot of stress. But once you get people sitting down all at the same time, you’re screwed. The delicate timing is disrupted and you are doomed to a night of constant rushing around while that crazy lady with the bug eyes at table 3 is staring you down because you have to greet another party before you get her her refill. Madness I tell you. Madness.

There were some crazy times in that restaurant. We had this manager who was almost never there. He would show up late, and then disappear into this office. He’d stay in there for hours with the door locked and the blinds drawn. No one knew why…and no one really wanted to find out.

I remember soups that got left out for much too long. I remember morning shifts that didn’t end until 45min. after my second shift was supposed to start.I remember really, really, greasy, dirty tortilla chips. Everyone at one time or another burned themselves on the fajita press. It was like a right of passage. It hurt like crazy, and would blister up if it was bad enough. Everyone had at least one scar to show off. Mine is on the back of my right hand.

We were on our own most of the time. Few workers lasted more than a month. I was there about 4 and a half months and in the short time I worked there I became one of the longest tenured employees. Such was the nature of our restaurant.

They must’ve realized they were doing something wrong, because years later, the company that owned the restaurant sent us all checks in the mail. Apparently they were under some kind of labor investigation. The letter listed possible laws that had been broken. Every single infraction on the list was something I had experienced. Up until that moment, my poor naive soul had no idea that it was completely illegal for an 18 yr old kid to work 14 hours straight without a break of any kind. It was my first real job! Who knew?? There were dozens of other misconducts on the list, all of which at one point or another, I had experienced first hand.

The letter explained that they were sending checks to their past employees with prorated amounts based on how long we worked there. They hoped the small gesture would somehow compensate for the injustices committed against us. By cashing the check however, we were effectively giving up our right to sue… Those dirty rotten corporate fat cats with their dirty rotten lawyers! Did they really think we could be bought off with a few bucks??

I was a poor college student at the time. I cashed the check.