Raccoon Toons

Remember back when Pirates of the Caribbean was just an awesome ride instead of an overblown movie franchise that got really, really bad halfway through the second installment? Ahh…those were the days. The ride of course is still there, and it is still a lot fun, but it has been modified from years past. These days you see a lot of Johnny Depp running around. And instead of pirates attacking soldiers and good innocent bystanders, they’re attacking other pirates. Ok. Fine. Whatever. But the most alarming of the changes that have been made is to the pirates libido. Yes. That’s right. Park officials have removed the sex drive of pirates. The pirates have been neutered.

Where there once were ill-intentioned pirates chasing helpless women (who by the way, in some decades were giggling and enjoying the chase themselves), there are now “hungry” pirates chasing women with food. Other women are chasing pirates with broom sticks and rolling pins. So basically we are all to assume that there is one crazy game of freeze tag going on. That’s the only way it makes sense to me anyway.

Am I suggesting that it is ok for people to chase women and…um…”catch” them? No. Of course not. But that’s kind of the point. Are you ready for this? I’m about to blow your mind. You might want to sit down for this. Ok. Here we go. Pirates are bad guys. No really. I’m serious. They are bad guys. Check your history books. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

……..

Shyeah! Crazy stuff right?!? I know you totally thought they were all these heroic swashbucklers who for some unknown reason have an affinity for wearing eyeliner, but they were actually bad guys! Gosh. Who knew??

So, it seems kind of silly for pirates to not have any interest in women…especially since the women appeared to be enjoying the chase…and especially since those pirates had been out at sea for so long…

But that’s political correctness for you. You can trash the village. Go ahead. Pillage the town. Loot the houses, steal the treasure, and get completely hammered while you do so. But don’t chase the women. That would be wrong.